10 things all Mamas Google

When you become a parent Google will become your new best friend. No matter how crazy the question Google will always have the answers. Now matter what time it is, Google is always there for you.

Here are 10 things that I would say 99% of mamas have googled at one time or another;

  1. Does my child hate me? Yes, you will ask Google this. When it is 3am and your new bundle of joy has not stopped crying and nothing you do makes a difference, you will just assume your baby hates you. They don’t, obviously.

2. Can you die from lack of sleep? No you can’t, but boy does it feel like you can when you haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep in 72 hours and your eyes feel like burning button holes.

3. Is “because he slept through the night” a good enough reason to divorce your husband? Why is it men have an amazing ability to sleep through the cries of a child. They think they have had a crap nights sleep is they get anything less then 8 hours. Us mum’s don’t want to sleep like a new-born, we want to sleep like our husbands.

4. What is my child’s rash/why is my child’s poo green? Oh, yes asking Google for medical (usually at 2am) is always a great idea, not! What ever you do, do not, I repeat do not, consult Google regarding any medical concerns you may have, you will never sleep again.

5. Is it possible to bleed forever after birth? After having Chloe by emergency C-Section, I remember thinking I am never going to stop bleeding. Days and days went by and it just continued. Those absolutely hideous sanitary towels you have to wear make it feel like you have an actual towel folded in your knickers. (it did finally stop, after 10 days)

6. Will my husband still fancy me after watching me give birth? Hell yes, he will have a whole new love and respect for you.

7. How to get a celebrity mum body? Unless you starve yourself and have a personal trainer glued to your hip 24/7 this isn’t going to happen over night. And you know what, in the first few weeks, months and even years cake, coffee and leftovers  from your child’s plate will be your main diet.

8. Can you go crazy from watching too much kids TV? Google says no, but I am not entirely convinced by this answer. I swear I twitch each time I hear the Peppa Pig theme tune come on the TV. It’s even worse now we have Alexa, and Chloe keeps asking her to play the Peppa Pig.

9. Does my child need a rabies shot after licking a ball in soft play? Again, Google says no, but I don’t agree. Has Google ever been to a ball pit in a soft play area? It is like a big, warm breeding ground for germs with the stench of cheesy feet and stale crisps floating around, which of course your child will be the one that finds this and eats its.

10. When is the right time to try for baby number 2? Google says………………………………………..

Mummy Em x

 

 

 

 

 

 

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